..and i hate it!!

i know i have to accept the truth. the reality. it seems very hard but yeah,im learning to accept it.
this is the worst thing ever happened in my life yet i stil try to live with it. i should be died now but it shouldn't too. i still my faith in my religion to my God,so i wont do that.

he shouldnt have said that before ,coz when  now he said something different n breaks all my hopes, i feel betrayed. im hurt and annoyed. event though we can think it in different or more positive way to deny all the negative thinking behind every action ( which might not b true), but somehow it still gonna b true. especially when u feel annoyed and lied.

my life ,no matter it is a day or night, its always a nightmare. coz i cant stop thinking his last word. i keep on reading his last message i received and hatred starts to grow in my heart. i dont want to end up hating each other. but yeah,my woman's heart say...he is a man enough. he is not the one who can think wisely oow r beware with his own actions. he wont think bout the consequences but only fun . i hate to have bad thinkings bout him, yet its hard to avoid.

im teaching my own self. try to think positively and sumtimes it works. i dont want to hate him coz the more i hate him, i know the more i'l love him and cant forget him. i feel so stupid coz half of myself says, by this time i shud b able to leave him. coz he is not the one who can always stand beside me and be a man enough to save this relationship.

i dont wanna be so selfish yet .. nobody can understand! i do think bout everything n never take it for granted but something haunting me.n now i hate my own self for not being able to decide or do anything. this is so hard. so crazy. n i hate it!!