~simple~

these few days everything seems ok. no more nightmare before and while sleeping. i feel better coz all the insecure and threatening feeling have gone. its not completely gone, but i think im getting it over from time to time. he comes so i feel safe.thats all. but it doesnt mean everything solved. it is delay. maybe.

im hoping for the happiness but in the same time, i do worried. i never know what happens in another part of world, so i never know if someone really being honest to me. sometimes i wonder, how some people can treat their loved one really bad. they said ' i love u' but never mean it. for me, this is crime. u dont hurt them physically, but emotionally...we r ( the girls) damaged. we break into pieces and the hardest part is to fight with our own self to regain all the strength and confidence again. dont u ever know men, how hurt it is??

dont u know, when we cry, we dont mean to make u see it as our weapon or weakness. we want u to know, we r dying over here.we cry to heal our pain.and u'l never know it!

the pain is really cruel, taking away our whole life if we r not strong enough to face it. snatch away all the smile and laugh, leave us with sorrow and despair. its only one thing u could do if u wish to make us lose all the happiness -----> its when u break our trust and leave us in trauma.its when we feel all the promises u gave b4 are lies. its when we feel betrayed and unappreaciated.

i dont wanna feel this pain. please. dont do this to me. if im happy to have u by my side, it doesnt mean u have to leave me without any says just to avoid from making me hurt.that gonna kill me immediatealy. girls are ain't stupid. if u make up ur words and tell us u r leaving for reasons, we can smile and wave n pray for u to be succesfull in pursuing ur own happiness even we no longer can be by ur side. simple. as simple as how u can break our hearts by telling lies.

Magical nite

i am thnkful to ALLAH. it was a most peaceful nite i had last nite after 3weeks iv been sleeping in tears n pain. he came. he talked to me. he texted me. i dont know what drove him to have such attitude again after quite sometimes he been away from me.

i hope it wasnt becoz i told him how bad i felt of being lonely and neglected. i hope it was bcoz he knew who is talking to and why he is looking for me. n i hope it was bcoz he knows that he needs me. always need n never want me to be far from him.

so this is how love meant to be. its  beautiful but painful in the same time. its always a hope n wait. its always thousand pieces or broken heart can be fixed by one simple thought. love is crazy, its not blind, it just we who always say..'its ok'. giving too many toleration to heal our own pain. and now when love makes us happy after all the endlessly pains we felt, we feel like breathing again n realise, we r still alive n life is so beautiful.


but.. for me..

the trauma is still linger...

Its a matter of time

im spending my time lately visiting my fren's room.
i'v been listening to different version of stories bout others' problem in their relationshp when i talked to my fren
suddnly i just realised
so many gurls have had their hearts broken
n they just like me, crying like hell n then they move on
forcing themselves to be strong, to face the world n walk alone without fear
smile whenever they can eventhough their hearts nevr stop crying
its a matter of time
the more time passes, the lesser the pain
coz we tired of thinking the same uncertain things over n over again
it doesnt mean that we have forgotten what had happend to us, but time will heal evrything
coz we started to know that nothing can hurt us more after some times

its weird coz now im start wasting my time aimlessly
i will randomly chat with my bf's fren who also my fren without thinking to ignore his buzzes
mybe coz i'l feel close to my bf when i talk to this guy
coz i know they do see each other everyday
i cant see the point saying this,but i have such feeling
the loneliness in me need to be cured
n im begging to anyone without realising what i am doing
i miss my bf, so somehow talking to his fren is just like im walking with his shadow
i cant reach him yet i know theres sumthing related to him is near with me

i dont know what gonna b happened next
im x expecting sumthing worse
i do hope for better ending
but im always telling my self
now..i can just dreaming
one day i'l wake up, n all the dreams gone.

my heart is getting colder now.
feelingless even.
but sumtimes when the memories come..
i'l cry.
well,im a girl. a gurl who is ignored n unloved.
and crying is the best way to make me feel better as i feel tired wasting my tears, im gonna fall asleep.
all the pain gone. n i'l forget everything 4 a while.
this is how im survive till i reach a point when i can smile again n walk confidently as i know nothing can hurt me more.
its a matter of time.

again.

i told ya. a simple text msg does give 1000 meaning. its either u know u r being remember or u r being ignored.

i am being ignored, yes i am.

my heart tells me that he somewhat starting to hate me.slowly. n its growing. im dying here. all alone. its ok.
im used with it.

heart, dont cry... dont cry...

My Sun

i miss him.

yes, i do.

but im scared. too scared. my heart wanna me to tell him how much i miss n love him, but i hv no guts. the simplest n easiest thing to do- text him. NO. i dont dare. i rather sit here alone. staring out of my window, watching the sun going down. it will leave me in dark tonite. i wont blame it to not be able to accompany me, i understand , the sun is being loyal. too loyal. never make human being live in despair, coz he will come n go as he promises. never late. never make us wait. i love sun. so im gonna wait here, watching it goes. he just goes for a while,to light up another part of the world, tomoro he will certainly come back to see me again.

is there any one as loyal as the sun? if yes, it wont be this hard. we'll always know that our sum1 wil never leave us alone. i wont be waiting so long. i wont be missing sum1 this bad. n missing sum1 wont be the hardest thing to do in my life. miss him n keep the feeling here, deep inside my heart- alone. not gonna tell him. it aint easy. A simple text may disturb his time. i wanna be loved, not to be hated of making others' life mess. so just stay quiet in my little room. dont cry heart, dont cry.

-first l0ve-

Finally i come back here,
to this little space, between me & my heart.
nobody will know this little place.
nobody.

this place existed long time ago. i cant rmmber exactly when it was.
but the reason y i come back here remains the same.
when i first time created this place, it was a place for my heart.
n my stories bout my first love.
they r all will b kept in here.
but nothing existed. no stories, no flowers ,no laugh.
n i wonder y finally i just let it became abondaned place.

now i came back here. again.
n i know this place is the rite one for me.
n yeah,
still for the same reason. its a place of my  heart n my 1st love story.
nver expecting more again. no flowers, no laugh.
mybe just tears.
i dont mind.
i do need a place. a very quiet place.
to sit alone n cry.
cry out my heart.
so here i am.
nobody will find me.